Dealing with scar shame

One of the common results of infant surgery is scar shame.

Self-Confidence2 smlIt doesn’t affect everybody, of course.  Some of us are extroverted, self-confident, ready to take on the world.  I well remember my youngest granddaughter showed these wonderful traits from the day she was born!  And 3½ amazing years later she still does… much to her parents’ delight (and occasional frustration)!

But we’re not all like that: two of her siblings are introverted and hyper-sensitive like I tend to be.  Their struggles and hurts are painful reminders of how hard I have often found it to think of myself and my issues in more realistic and objective terms than I tend to.

Recently one of my correspondents in the UK went online with a holiday photo of herself in a bikini and the caption, “this is the first photo I’ve ever posted of my scar.”  Her photo showed a deeply indented scar across her middle; her life had been saved at a very early age by surgery to remedy pyloric stenosis (“PS”).  Now, many years later, she went on to write how glad she was she had taken this step of “going public”: “I’ve no idea how many photos I have with my arm placed strategically across my scar.”  Others have written lines like, “Have been embarrassed by my scar all my life and never wore a bikini.”

Many others have gone online to say that their scar has never been an issue, never give it any thought, or that they’re proud of it.

My UK correspondent went on to publish images of a recent Cosmopolitan UK article (April 2015) by Natasha Devon.  Ms Devon is also an infant PS survivor and two years ago she suffered a ruptured spleen which resulted in her having a large laparotomy (the opening of the abdomen from top to bottom).  I had read one of Ms Devon’s blogs some years ago and want to recommend her work and writing to my readers who might be helped by them.

Art Body trolls-2 150517 FbMs Devon does excellent education and advocacy work in the UK via the spoken word, print and electronic media.  Her gifts and life Art Body trolls-1 150517 Fbexperiences have equipped her well for this work: her struggle with her PS scar resulted in a childhood obsession which seems to have been very like what I went through in my younger years.  In her teenage years this obsession became fixated on her scar becoming deeply indented giving her what look like two spare tyres around her waist.  Her concern over her body image then developed into anorexia nervosa.

Now well and truly recovered and adult, Natasha Devon has devoted herself to helping particularly girls and young women who battle with their own body image, with society’s worship of the “body beautiful”, or the predatory behaviour of insensitive and repulsive people in our various home and societal circles and via the media.

Here are some links to read more if you are at all interested –

Loving your Tum (2012, The Real Beauty Debate) – Why do many women struggle so hard to have or get a flat tummy?  Accept and love your body!

My Body is Freaking Awesome. Fact. (2013, The Real Beauty Debate) – Natasha launched a series of 4 tee-shirts with this message or alternatively: BeYou-tiful!  She also tells the story of how she recently survived the belated diagnosis of a ruptured spleen: My body is strong, resilient, clever for healing itself.

Why we should all feel sexy (2013, Cosmopolitan UK) – this article responds to a UK survey that found that many women lack self-confidence, and addresses the causes.

Cellulite, scars, tattoos, hair, bingo wings and bellies: It’s summer – so feel free to get it all out (2013, The Independent) – Natasha celebrates the start of another chancey UK summer with a call to get out into the sun, shed some of that British reserve and enjoy the freedom to dress down a little.

I beat sick internet trolls who said my body was disgusting… and now YOU can too (2014, The Sun – UK ) in addition to ‘They said my body made them puke’ Baring scar in bra left woman troll target (2014, Daily Star) and also Body Image Campaigner Shuts Down Bullies With Bravery (2014, Girl Talk HQ) – After being abused on the internet for showing and telling about her scarred body, Ms Devon takes on the trolls, defending her advocacy and giving some tips on dealing with internet bullying.

Dear Jamelia & Protein World….. (2015, The Real Beauty Debate) – Natasha takes on the fashions and food industries and how they play on the insecurities of many women to market their products, referring to her own struggle with her body image.

I found it interesting and refreshing to read some of the story and writing of someone who has worked through some of the most difficult issues I have had to deal with myself, but from a woman’s viewpoint.  Some of women’s struggles are of course not mine, although I am sensitive to them.  But in other ways men have their own distinctive struggles.

Most of us, whether female or male, feel vulnerable and insecure in certain situations.  Some of us have few of these challenges, others have them as part of their daily life, perhaps even habitually.  If you can identify with this, Natasha Devon is well worth a visit!

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One thought on “Dealing with scar shame

  1. Wendy

    Wow, Natasha is so brave. Women need her positive messages. Hope you’ll do a similar post on male body image. How do men deal with body image issues, especially having scars? How do men deal with shame? Are there men that are advocating for more positive body messages for males?

    Reply

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