Category Archives: Pyloric Stenosis

What is IHPS? What are its causes, how is it diagnosed and treated, and are there any long-term effects?

Can Pyloric Stenosis come with long-term effects?

Ask your General Practice doctor or a pediatric surgeon about the long-term effects of infant pyloric stenosis (“PS”) and you will almost certainly be told there are none.

However, the volume of questions, complaints, and feedback to online social forum sites such as BabyCenter/Centre, Facebook, MedHelp, Patient, and Topix is a clear sign that the answer to this question is not quite as clear and simple!

The issue of possible long-term gastro-intestinal (“GI”) and other complaints after PS is in fact a complex subject.  The social forum interest mentioned above shows that there is a short list of long-term effects that those affected suspect may not be unrelated to having had infant PS and/or the surgery to remedy it.

However, many of these complaints are hard for medical science to study and possibly recognise, and therefore for your doctor to treat.  So unfortunately for us, many busy doctors will brush off patients’ attempt at consultation about them as a waste of their time; others will recognise the problem but can usually offer little more than sympathy!

Besides this, GI problems in general (apart from PS) are the most common complaint we take to the doctor, so unravelling their cause and getting effective treatment is a painstaking business! In fact, a small but significant percentage of GI complaints have no verifiable cause at all – and even have a name: “Functional Abdominal Pain Syndrome”.

So… what is beyond doubt?

All surgery (even today) comes with short and long-term hazards, which are acceptable if a life is at stake.  These hazards have been minimised and some virtually eliminated in recent decades – but several remain.  The list of possible immediate and short-term hazards includes anesthetic complications, an unsuccessful procedure (so repeat surgery), wound disruption, and infection.

Those that can arise in the long(er) term include surgical adhesions, collateral damage (usually to the duodenum, stomach or vagus nerve), and emotional issues ranging from scar shame and emetophobia to pre-verbal trauma or mild PTSD.

If the baby has been significantly starved for any reason (usually poor and delayed diagnosis) there may be lifelong effects on several areas of brain function.  Emotional damage can also result from (as happened quite often in the past) the baby’s surgery being done with inadequate pain control, accompanied by significant maternal separation, or by the parents’ trauma resulting from the PS and surgery in any way being conveyed to the infant or to the growing child.

Then there is a short list of GI issues, which are common (also) among people without PS and PS surgery in their early history.  However, these problems seem to be experienced more often by survivors, and are acknowledged as possibly linked by some medical professionals and by several (mostly small) studies.  The theory that high gastrin levels (a blood hormone that controls gastric acid release in the stomach) causes PS in babies is one of the most obvious and plausible among the causes / etiology of IHPS, and this theory links strongly to GI problems in later life. It would also explain why GI problems can arise directly from the subject’s history of PS (the condition), and not the surgery.

The list of long-term GI complaints common among PS survivors includes reflux (or GERD or heartburn), several other GI development faults of infancy, high acidity causing IBS, and sometimes gastric dumping, ulcers and cancer.

There have been more than a few small studies reporting all this, and a few social forum reports of medical professionals who recognise the linkage from their own research and experience.

It may come as a surprise that so little is known (or recognised) about the possible long-term medical issues after PS.  It is because PS is so easily and usually successfully dealt with, and I suspect because the long-term problems are not life-threatening, that there have been no large studies of this subject area.  Besides, there are many more pressing medical challenges that need research time and funds.

The only large study that has stood out showed that the risk of PS is very much raised by mother or newborn using any of the macrolide family of antibiotics – which also relates to gastrin levels!

Despite all this, there has been at least one recent attempt to set up a sizable and robust study of the subject – which the PS community awaits with great interest!

In the meantime it must be realised that the medical community continues to submit to the surgeons’ love affair with PS and repeat the med school mantra that there are no long-term issues to keep in mind in relation to PS.

You can find all the above information on the web. If you need or want my evidence of the above, you’re invited to message me with your email address. I have a list of some 1700 reports and other material which can be accessed via the web.

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Why your doctor may delay diagnosing your baby’s Pyloric Stenosis

A member / friend in Facebook’s Pyloric Stenosis (“PS”) network messaged me:

After having a baby with PS I find it very difficult to understand why it takes so long for the doctors or specialist to diagnose it.  Just like to know your thoughts.  We were obviously extremely lucky.

Several other common problems around infant PS were raised and we’ll seek to address each of these in the following posts.

If like this parent your baby’s (or your) PS was recognised and treated promptly without ongoing problems, you are indeed lucky and will feel very grateful to all concerned.

parent painBut if you or your parents suffered to the extent of being traumatised by PS, you join a sizeable club!  Social forum sites such as BabyCenter (or –Centre), Facebook, MedHelp, Patient and Topix have allowed many thousands of parents and PSers to voice their unhappy experience of medical matters related to PS.

Well may we all wonder about the actual number of people with the problems on this parent’s mind.  For readers who are wondering, What are the problems? please read on…

Sadly not a few doctors (notably GPs and paediatricians) are arrogant and dismissive.
Parents who have done some solid homework on PS may be brushed off, those who have had a personal experience or previous baby with PS may be ignored, mothers who have nursed several earlier children are told their feeding technique is the problem, and first-time mothers with multiple PS cases in their family are told they are “nervous nellies”.

Despite key symptoms that seem to clearly confirm a PS diagnosis, doctors may well delay diagnosis, referral, and even ordering tests.  Rather they will “watch and wait” or prescribe medication and tell the parents to “come back after a week if symptoms persist”.  This sometimes continues for several weeks (yes!).

My evaluation?

  1. PS occurs in between 2 and 5 babies in every 1,000, so the several thousand stories I have read on the various online social media pages over more than 20 years are nevertheless a tiny proportion of the whole picture.  On the other hand, for every story that gets to (say) Facebook there would be several that don’t.
    A recent Danish study is the only large one I know of that’s been done to chart problems around PS, but this study only dealt with risk factors (“etiology”) and several elements narrowly related to the surgery (“morbidity”).
    I am so annoyed that nobody seems interested in doing a substantial professional study on many more of the questions involved with PS.  I’d so much like to run something with the Facebook network of several thousands but (a) it would be well-nigh impossible for a lay person to get enough participants, and (b) the results would not be statistically representative.  For useful data we’d have to have access to a less “slanted” sample based on hospital records – and then on that basis get enough participants.
  2. PS can develop very rapidly or very slowly, and some sometimes too mildly for surgery.  Many of the accounts on Facebook tell us of the operation occurring 4-6 weeks after the first signs of PS in a newborn, and that the baby was losing condition only in the last few weeks.  Others like me were diagnosed and sent to surgeon within days of birth.  Others again are diagnosed only at a dangerously late stage and after weeks of being fobbed off by medical professionals.
  3. arrogant doc5Doctors are increasingly trained in “the scientific method”.  This means that as a doctor you’ll ignore “circumstantial evidence” (like what people say and what you yourself can observe) and use only the evidence of imaging and blood tests.  And you delay serious consideration and diagnostic tests until you decide that running these tests justifies the cost, and then you wait for results.  I had my op in 1945, “the good old days” when (judging by the medical articles of the 1920s to 70s) the medical community usually and quite effectively went (a) by the physical signs which the parents gave the doctor and (b) what the doctor could observe: no soiled nappies, non-bilious projectile vomits, peristalsis, loss of weight and condition, dehydration, and “the pyloric olive”.
    Because of this trend towards being pedantically “scientific”, the cost factor, and the fear of complications and litigation, many doctors today try to avoid the op until it’s absolutely unavoidable.  The unstated attitude seems to be, “If the delayed diagnosis damages the infant, that won’t likely be evident for many years, by which time a link with the delay will be impossible to prove”.
  4. There are several organic (or organ-formation) bowel conditions of infancy that can at first be confused with PS.  This is especially so if the PS develops slowly and not many of the key signs of it have developed yet.  And then of course there are the more common non-organ-formation problems such as infection, reflux or GERD, and faulty feeding techniques.  Again, if the signs of PS are there, any delay could be damaging to the child and prolong the baby’s and the parents’ pain.
    And again: some PS never develops beyond a level mild enough to be treated with medicines, whether or not such treatment is effective in the long term.
  5. Sad to say (and judging by the evaluations by countless parents from all over the world) there must be far too many doctors who have a “god complex”.  This shows in their attitude to what the parents (and especially the mothers) report, even when they have done their homework and/or know their own and often their family history includes PS.
    Even worse, doctor friends have confirmed this to me, including one horrified parishioner who told me that on the first day of Med School (UNSW) his class was told that they now belonged to the upwardly mobile and indeed the elite of society.

Is it unreasonable to believe that much of the deep frustration and even trauma reported on Facebook is quite avoidable?  Of course not!

Mum w babeHow do troubled parents deal with this kind of situation?

  • Do your homework: google for the symptoms of PS and record the obviously significant things about your child: daily weight, input and output, indicative events, and general appearance and alertness.
  • Don’t consult your doctor alone: take your spouse, partner or other relative or friend for support, to convey your seriousness, and to remember and record what is said and done.
  • Don’t go with a preconceived idea of what you want, but don’t be snowed either.
  • Get a second opinion if necessary.
  • Go to the ER of the nearest children’s or general hospital if dissatisfied and if necessary don’t leave there until you sense it is right.

Always remember, you are your infant child’s only and best advocate.

Their future wellbeing may well be at stake.

Pyloric Stenosis’ Game-changer

The German Dr Conrad Ramstedt’s surgical remedy for infant pyloric stenosis was announced to the world at a medical conference and publication in 1912.

This event hardly affected the great majority of the human race, but it was of course rather significant for someone who underwent that surgery 33 years later to save his life just 10 days after his mother gave him birth.  And because pyloric stenosis (“PS”) affects between 3 and 5 babies in every thousand born in developed countries, and most of these are treated surgically, there are many people alive today because of Ramstedt’s discovery.

However, one only has to research the history of this condition and its treatment to realise that whilst the German doctor realised he had made a significant discovery, he was also the unwitting cause of trauma in at least some and perhaps many PS babies and their parents.  Let me explain…

In 1912, the medical treatment of PS babies was the rule but very risky, and almost half the infants died despite it.  Several surgical techniques were then being offered as an alternative for PS babies, but these were so drastic and severe on a tiny, malnourished and dehydrated baby that the great majority died of surgical shock, infection, and other related causes.  Most parents took their chances with the available medicines… and prayed.

RamstedtConrad operating

Dr Conrad Ramstedt operating

Dr Conrad Ramstedt’s accidental discovery in 1911 was published in October 1912 and represented a major breakthrough: see this post and this one.  The Ramstedt pyloromyotomy was rapidly adopted as the remedy of choice in most developed countries around the world, and in four decades after 1912, deaths from PS fell to almost nil in most countries.  However, even in the 1940s, some countries (including Great Britain) continued to report their PS mortality was still at 25%.  I have been shocked by how many mentions there are on the web of relatives dying of PS, even in the 1950s.  Despite all this, Ramstedt’s technique and better health standards in hospitals have done much to make death from PS most uncommon today.

How did the Ramstedt pyloromyotomy contribute to this?

Pic 13It made treating PS relatively easy and simple for surgeons, hospital staff, and parents. For surgeons the technique requires practice and care, but is essentially one of the simplest surgical procedures on the surgeries list.  The surgery usually ends the violent and deadly vomiting; although some continued vomiting and reflux occur quite often, it is fairly rare that an incomplete myotomy (division of the pyloric muscle) or the muscle’s redevelopment requires a repeat of the surgery.  So: anxious parents are greatly relieved, the surgeon immediately becomes a warrior-hero, and the baby quickly starts to make up for weight lost: I gather that my post-op photo is quite typical!

Apart from the great relief of all concerned, the Ramstedt pyloromyotomy saves pediatric ward staff and the bay’s parents from having to manage (or endure) weeks (and often two months) of medical treatment, with each of the sick baby’s feeds requiring medication be administered beforehand to a rigid schedule, milk having to be given slowly and carefully, daily weighing, and regular consultations with the hospital clinic or paediatrician.  Why put yourself through all that when surrendering your baby for just an hour or so to the gowned and skilled surgical staff produces what often seems like an instant fix?

Some babies are best treated surgically, and of the babies treated medically, up to 20% will not respond sufficiently well to avoid belated surgery.

Superman MD1On the other hand, almost all Ramstedt pyloromyotomies seem to be fully effective, certainly in the immediate sense.  And although the worldwide web includes many thousands of complaints and stories of a long list of troublesome ongoing effects from their PS or its surgery, it is just as clear that the vast majority of survivors and their parents are satisfied enough not to air their troubles.  The possible effects of the surgery are many and real, and sometimes severe, but many PS survivors report little or no gastric or abdominal discomfort, few or no problems with their scar or adhesions, and no trauma.  And this silence of the vast majority of PS patients has enabled most of the medical world to assure anxious and worried parents that “PS and its surgery will have no after-effects on your dear child”.

What I have written so far gives me some cause for concern, however.

Ramstedt’s discovery at once saved my life (and I’ve had more than 70 very good years so far), and it has also been responsible for the trauma I and not a few others have had to deal with (often chiefly in private) for most of our lives.

It was quite unintentional, but it is nevertheless true that Ramstedt’s surgical solution for PS effectively and inexorably moved the medical community’s interest away from perfecting the already (and still today) quite effective treatment of PS with cheap and simple medication and careful maternal nursing.  The Ramstedt pyloromyotomy is (as stated above) in itself what many surgeons call “elegant”: it is easy, quick and usually effective.  But until quite recently the surgery and what came with it could be very severe and traumatic on the baby and also on the parents, and it was associated with more (and more severe) risk factors than the medical alternative.

Thus the Ramstedt pyloromyotomy helped fuel the ascendancy of the power and prestige of the surgeon with which some of us are all too familiar today!  We must remember that specialist and high technology medical science has been very largely responsible for our rising health standards and life expectancies, but in fact PS is one of the maladies that can in most cases be brought under control by medical means and with surgery kept as a last resort.  In some developed countries, PS continues to be managed in this manner, and in many developing countries, medical treatment is far more affordable and widely available, and thus the first option.

So Ramstedt’s operation short-circuited interest in understanding and managing the causes, pathogenesis (biochemical development such as proposed by Dr Ian M Rogers) and even prevention of PS.

Whilst I am deeply grateful for the operation that saved my life and realise that in my case surgery may well have been the only responsible remedy, I have often wished that I could have been treated more gently, without a disfiguring scar, and without inflicting life-long trauma on my parents and me.

And in this wish I am not alone.

Why your doctor may delay diagnosing Pyloric Stenosis

A member / friend in Facebook’s Pyloric Stenosis (“PS”) network messaged me:

After having a baby with PS I find it very difficult to understand why it takes so long for the doctors or specialist to diagnose it.  Just like to know your thoughts.  We were obviously extremely lucky.

Several other common problems around infant PS were raised and we’ll seek to address each of these in the following posts.

If like this parent your baby’s (or your) PS was recognised and treated promptly without ongoing problems, you are indeed lucky and will feel very grateful to all concerned.

M820/0092But if you or your parents suffered to the extent of being traumatised by PS, you join a sizeable club!  Social forum sites such as Facebook, BabyCenter (or –Centre), MedHelp, and Topix have allowed many thousands of parents and PSers to voice their unhappy experience of medical matters related to PS.

Well may we all wonder about the actual number of people with the problems on this parent’s mind.  For readers who are wondering, What are the problems? please read on… Continue reading

Infant Surgery & PTSD – Links to Publications & Websites

Sometimes it is better not to know…

Some of those who owe their life to infant surgery in times past have become aware of the fact that safe and effective pediatric anesthesia and analgesia have only become almost generally used in developed countries in fairly recent years.

The medical mantra that “a baby does not feel, let alone remember pain” was widely believed and acted on in the medical world.  We can be thankful that many medical workers did nevertheless learn to work on infants using the available rudimentary anesthetic drugs and procedures. A powerful code of silence blanketed what was really happening and how widespread infant surgery without anesthesia was practised.

In 20 years of lay research and networking about this issue, I have yet to find a statistical report or journal article on the relevant facts and figures.  Understandably, parents were never told about the darker facts around their child’s operation, and those who dared to asked were most likely fobbed off – and certainly did not dare to share their concerns with their child in later years.

I have networked with an uncomfortable number of people who like me are grateful to be alive because of early surgery but have always been mystified by living with some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

The medical mantras  about infants feeling and remembering pain were publicly challenged and steadily corrected only since 1987. I have written other posts here about this.

Here is a reading list for those who are interested in learning more about this matter.

Again: sometimes it is better not to know . . .

Inadequate pain management

New York Times – Researchers Warn on Anesthesia, Unsure of Risk to Children – http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/26/health/researchers-call-for-more-study-of-anesthesia-risks-to-young-children.html (link)

Jill R Lawson, Standards of Practice and the pain of premature Infants – (pdf file incl additional articles) – http://www.recoveredscience.com/ROP_preemiepain.htm (link to Jill Lawson’s article only)

McGrath Patrick J – Science is not enough, The modern history of pediatric pain – Moderna historia dolor pediatrico.pdf – (file) – http://www.dolor.org.co/articulos/MOderna%20historia%20dolor%20pediatrico.pdf (link)

Pail’s Health Blog Nov 2010 – A Story of Babies in Pain and the Barbaric Malpractices of Medicine – http://www.theherbprof.com/blog/?p=66 (link)

Louis Tinnin, Awake and Paralyzed during Surgery – http://ezinearticles.com/?Awake-And-Paralyzed-During-Surgery&id=182472 (link)

Dvorsky, George, Why are so many Newborns still being denied Pain Relief? – http://gizmodo.com/why-are-so-many-newborns-still-being-denied-pain-relief-1755495866 (link)

 

Infant Memory

Chamberlain David B – CV & publications.pdf – (file)

Website – Birth Psychology – A Bibliography of Dr David B Chamberlain’s writings – https://birthpsychology.com/journals/volume-28-issue-4/chamberlain-bibliography (link)

David B Chamberlain, Babies are Conscious – (file)

David B Chamberlain, Babies Don’t Feel Pain – a Century of Denial in Medicine http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/second/chamberlain.html – (link)

Levine, Peter A, Waking the Tiger – Healing Trauma, North Atlantic Books, 1997 (book title)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Body Keeps the Score – (book & summary article title) http://www.franweiss.com/pdfs/sensorimotor_vanderkolk_1994.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma – http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/436.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Developmental Trauma Disorder – (book & summary article title) http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Preprint_Dev_Trauma_Disorder.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Limits of Talk – http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/networker.pdf (link)

 

PTSD from Infant Trauma

K J S Anand & P R Hickey, Pain and its Effects in the Human Neonate and Fetus – http://www.cirp.org/library/pain/anand/ (link)

The New York Times, 24 Nov 1987, Philip M Boffey, Infants’ Sense of Pain Finally Recognized – http://www.nytimes.com/1987/11/24/science/infants-sense-of-pain-is-recognized-finally.html (link)

The New York Times Magazine, 10 Feb 2008, Annie Murphy Paul, The First Ache, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/magazine/10Fetal-t.html?_r=1&ex=12 (link)

Monell, Terry – When Pediatric Surgery causes Permanent Damage.docx (file)

Dr Louis Tinnin – Infant Surgery without Anesthesia 130707.docx (file) – https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/ and https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/infant-surgery-without-anesthesia/  (link)

Wendy P Williams – Are Your Symptoms due to Infant Surgical Trauma? – http://restoryyourlife.com/ptsd-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-dr-louis-tinnin-infant-surgery-without-anesthesia-pyloric-stenosis/ (link)

Wendy P Williams – Ten things to remember about pre-verbal Infant Trauma – http://restoryyourlife.com/preverbal-infant-trauma-preverbal-memory-emotions-sensations-breath-anxiety/ (link)

National Institute of Mental Health (USA) – comprehensive introductory brochure on PTSD – https://infocenter.nimh.nih.gov/nimh/product/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder/QF%2016-6388 (link to brochure)

Ten things People with PTSD-related Dissociation should know – http://healthiest.pw/10-things-people-with-ptsd-related-dissociation-should-know/ (link)

 

Personal accounts

Kyle Elizabeth Freeman – Blogger at “Gutsy Beautiful Complicated”, Childhood Medical Trauma – 36 Years Later – https://gutsybeautifulcomplicated.com/2012/11/03/coming-to-terms-with-trauma-thirty-nine-years-later/kyle.elizabeth.freeman@gmail.com

 

N B – Chamberlain, Dvorsky, Van der Kolk and some others listed here have other material online and/or for sale

 

N B – this List is a work in progress

Three responses to infant surgery

Infant surgery does different things to different people.

This post introduces readers to three men whose infant surgery recently prompted them to go public, each in his own way.

yay1Dave Outred went online to express his joy and gratitude for his full and satisfying life, apparently unaffected by the rather messy start to life he had.  After developing pyloric stenosis (“PS”), he was operated on twice in a London hospital in 1955 to remedy this rather common condition when he was about 6 weeks old: when it became clear that the first “procedure” had not dealt with his stomach blockage, it was repeated a day or two later, leaving him with two rather large and untidy scars.

But, he wrote on Facebook (to a “closed” Group) –

I say, be proud of your scars because you are a survivor!  I have had a great life: played sports for my town as a school boy, enjoyed camping and an outdoor life with the scouts, been married twice [currently 31 years], followed my football [soccer] team through good years and bad, semi-retired at 48 after many years of working 6 and 7 day weeks.  Lots of friends and a full life.  Recovery from P.S. is the start of a life you may never have had.

ButchBee02aJay Jacobs’ infant surgery was to deal with volvulus, a twisting of the bowels that like PS blocks the passage of food but can also quickly cut off the blood supply, causing gangrene and death of the affected intestines.  Perhaps because he was not expected to live, perhaps because cosmetic concerns rated rather lowly in 1957, perhaps because of his earlier weight problem, he has also been left with a very large and sunken scar.

Jay Jacobs found it harder than Dave Outred to feel accepting and confident about his disfiguring scar and count his blessings… until he found his niche.  Jay Jacobs always had a weight problem but in his later adult years he succeeded in beating this: he found diets and fitness programs that worked for him, participated in the Biggest Loser program on TV, and developed and promoted his discoveries, weight-loss and new-found wellness to become a successful entrepreneur!

Quite likely because of his accomplishments, he was also persuaded to rise above his negativity about his abdominal scar.  He appeared “topless” on TV and online, and wrote about his former “shame” and new-found confidence about his torso and story.

Henry Fox like Dave Outred also had PS and early surgery to remedy it.

Genes baby1It left him with a lifelong passion for the importance of medical research.  Many PSers realise that up to about a century ago, the diagnosis of infant PS was almost always a death sentence: the surgical remedies then on offer were so crude and horrific and so rarely successful that most parents preferred to see their little one simply expire.

Henry Fox knew this and also that there are still many conditions of infancy that although less common than PS need research funds and workers.  He wrote –

Owing to the type of research now carried out by Action Medical Research, I was able to undergo a small operation to rectify this and am now able to make the most of my ability to digest properly…!
Since then, Action Medical Research together with its most famous sponsor, Paddington Bear, have stayed very close to my heart.  I spent several days as a young child attending Action Medical Research’s Paddington Bear tea parties, over-indulging in a fair few marmalade sandwiches to help raise funds for their life-saving research!!  This association has stayed with me and it is rumoured that (aged 27) I may still possess a Paddington Bear duvet cover.

 Henry is seeking sponsorship for his running in the 2016 London Marathon (24 miles or 40 km on 24 April) to raise funds for medical research.

Nerdy MD2For many years now I have been reading and writing about the many issues around infant PS, and seeking greater recognition of the turbulence that affects a fair number of those affected by this rather common ailment.

I have been intrigued by the unity among parents affected by PS: those who write report as one that it was their most traumatic experience ever – and that all too often it left them feeling cheated in one way or another.

On the other hand, those who themselves have had PS respond and reflect on it in many different ways, and the reports above are typical but only samples of many very different responses.

Who do you think you are?

Recently I watched the 100th program of the popular TV series, Who do you think you are?

ponderAppropriately, it was a review of some of the most notable of the 100 stories to date.  Two utterly poignant segments joined “survivors” ardent about unearthing the fate of their ancestors and family members.  An Anglo-African woman hoped to find some mention of her ancestors who had laboured as African slaves in Antigua.  Another woman’s relatives were among the Jews trapped in Belorussia during the Holocaust: it was known that 2 girls in her family had been killed horrifically, literally by the hands of German soldiers.

I recalled the absolute apprehension and determination of the children of adoptive parents wanting to find their birth parents.

Some of the Who do you think you are? programs I have found to be rather “ho-hum” – interesting but somewhat lacking in power and passion.  But not so the heart-rending search for what exactly had happened in utter blackness long ago and faraway in Antigua and Belorussia.  Sometimes despite deep sadness or horror we just need to discover what we can find out.  We feel a deeply personal and profound bond with imprecise stories about our kith and kin, with the general facts about certain people in other times and places.

My own search has certainly been nothing as emotional as that of the two women with links to Antigua and Belorussia, but it’s been passionate just the same.

People02But it has also reminded me that my early PS, surgery, hospitalization and parenting have affected me more than many other infant PS survivors.  Most seem never to even think about their PS episode, some can’t identify or even care or want to know about “that scar”.  And others recoil at the mention of what their first weeks were like for them and their parents – like the Facebooker who asked me to delete a photo depicting the starvation that some babies suffer before they are properly diagnosed and treated.  We each manage our life stories in our own way.

My parents were people of bygone times who kept from me the details of the infant surgery I had when just 10 days old.  Before I was 6 years old, I became desperate to know what had created what I later learnt was a surgical scar, running down the middle of my young body, and how I should answer the inevitable questions of the curious.

During my growing years I picked up enough from conversations and books to understand the essence and effects of surgical work, and what pyloric stenosis was.  It didn’t take that long to learn how to avoid the inquisitive queries: I avoided most by covering up and lied away the rest.  Meanwhile I learnt what I could do to remove what I believed was a length of white string caught under my skin… the answer was of course: nothing.  Sure signs of inadequate parenting, an insecure child, an introspective nature, and (I discovered later) signs of PTSD and OCD.

A busy working and family life, plus the now understandable reticence of the then available information sources meant that between the ages of 20 and 60 I learnt little more.  But “the need to know” was kept alive by my continuing episodes of feeling embarrassed, obsessed, and self-harming because of my scar and story.

Q mark2The advent of the internet with its free, rich and growing flow of information and its potential for community-building was a major breakthrough and gift for me.  It gave me many details which I had never heard or fully understood, and which I quickly recognized as some of the missing pieces of my puzzle.

Amongst much else I learnt –

  • most of what I now know about infant PS – and that there is an adult form of this condition;
  • how infant surgery was usually done before 1987 (and still is in the case of many circumcisions);
  • that the danger of infection before the 1960s had a major impact on hospital protocols and procedures – with great effects on all concerned;
  • that trauma (another “hush-hush” subject at the time) affected many of the babies and adults of those times;
  • that PS and its surgical repair leave many with life-long problems, for some minor but for others very disruptive;
  • that many medical workers were and remain ill-equipped to understand and fully help those who seek their assistance;
  • that healing occurs in many ways and that we each seek or find our individual path; and
  • that many of my approximate contemporaries who have had early surgery and are willing to network report psychological and related difficulties very similar to mine.
  • that although my parents both died in the early 1990s without ever engaging with me about what were some obvious “issues”, I have discovered that the very little they did tell me and the main import of what I have learnt since are a perfect match!
  • that I am part of a large number of infant surgery survivors who share my passion to connect our past and present: I receive a steady stream or comments from readers who value my sharing, explaining and honesty about what I have learnt.

woman at PCI have enjoyed years of interaction with countless others who had older-times infant surgery and were able and willing to share their stories.  This blog has triggered many of these passing contacts – and a few deep and revealing friendships.  Forum and social networking sites such as Facebook, Experience Project, MedHelp, Patient, and Topix have been valuable also.  Facebook alone has more than a dozen PS Support Groups (although only a few see significant traffic) with over 700 members!

Something deeply personal which I still don’t quite understand but sense I should is a powerful motivator.  Whilst appreciating and respecting those whose problems are much larger than mine, I too remain both passionate and thankful about what I have learnt about “my story” which my parents kept from me.

I am now much better to join the dots between my past and present!