Tag Archives: PTSD

Infant Surgery & PTSD – Links to Publications & Websites

Sometimes it is better not to know…

Some of those who owe their life to infant surgery in times past have become aware of the fact that safe and effective pediatric anesthesia and analgesia have only become almost generally used in developed countries in fairly recent years.

The medical mantra that “a baby does not feel, let alone remember pain” was widely believed and acted on in the medical world.  We can be thankful that many medical workers did nevertheless learn to work on infants using the available rudimentary anesthetic drugs and procedures. A powerful code of silence blanketed what was really happening and how widespread infant surgery without anesthesia was practised.

In 20 years of lay research and networking about this issue, I have yet to find a statistical report or journal article on the relevant facts and figures.  Understandably, parents were never told about the darker facts around their child’s operation, and those who dared to asked were most likely fobbed off – and certainly did not dare to share their concerns with their child in later years.

I have networked with an uncomfortable number of people who like me are grateful to be alive because of early surgery but have always been mystified by living with some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

The medical mantras  about infants feeling and remembering pain were publicly challenged and steadily corrected only since 1987. I have written other posts here about this.

Here is a reading list for those who are interested in learning more about this matter.

Again: sometimes it is better not to know . . .

Inadequate pain management

New York Times – Researchers Warn on Anesthesia, Unsure of Risk to Children – http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/26/health/researchers-call-for-more-study-of-anesthesia-risks-to-young-children.html (link)

Jill R Lawson, Standards of Practice and the pain of premature Infants – (pdf file incl additional articles) – http://www.recoveredscience.com/ROP_preemiepain.htm (link to Jill Lawson’s article only)

McGrath Patrick J – Science is not enough, The modern history of pediatric pain – Moderna historia dolor pediatrico.pdf – (file) – http://www.dolor.org.co/articulos/MOderna%20historia%20dolor%20pediatrico.pdf (link)

Pail’s Health Blog Nov 2010 – A Story of Babies in Pain and the Barbaric Malpractices of Medicine – http://www.theherbprof.com/blog/?p=66 (link)

Louis Tinnin, Awake and Paralyzed during Surgery – http://ezinearticles.com/?Awake-And-Paralyzed-During-Surgery&id=182472 (link)

Dvorsky, George, Why are so many Newborns still being denied Pain Relief? – http://gizmodo.com/why-are-so-many-newborns-still-being-denied-pain-relief-1755495866 (link)

 

Infant Memory

Chamberlain David B – CV & publications.pdf – (file)

Website – Birth Psychology – A Bibliography of Dr David B Chamberlain’s writings – https://birthpsychology.com/journals/volume-28-issue-4/chamberlain-bibliography (link)

David B Chamberlain, Babies are Conscious – (file)

David B Chamberlain, Babies Don’t Feel Pain – a Century of Denial in Medicine http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/second/chamberlain.html – (link)

Levine, Peter A, Waking the Tiger – Healing Trauma, North Atlantic Books, 1997 (book title)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Body Keeps the Score – (book & summary article title) http://www.franweiss.com/pdfs/sensorimotor_vanderkolk_1994.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma – http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/436.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Developmental Trauma Disorder – (book & summary article title) http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Preprint_Dev_Trauma_Disorder.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Limits of Talk – http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/networker.pdf (link)

 

PTSD from Infant Trauma

K J S Anand & P R Hickey, Pain and its Effects in the Human Neonate and Fetus – http://www.cirp.org/library/pain/anand/ (link)

The New York Times, 24 Nov 1987, Philip M Boffey, Infants’ Sense of Pain Finally Recognized – http://www.nytimes.com/1987/11/24/science/infants-sense-of-pain-is-recognized-finally.html (link)

The New York Times Magazine, 10 Feb 2008, Annie Murphy Paul, The First Ache, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/magazine/10Fetal-t.html?_r=1&ex=12 (link)

Monell, Terry – When Pediatric Surgery causes Permanent Damage.docx (file)

Dr Louis Tinnin – Infant Surgery without Anesthesia 130707.docx (file) – https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/ and https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/infant-surgery-without-anesthesia/  (link)

Wendy P Williams – Are Your Symptoms due to Infant Surgical Trauma? – http://restoryyourlife.com/ptsd-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-dr-louis-tinnin-infant-surgery-without-anesthesia-pyloric-stenosis/ (link)

Wendy P Williams – Ten things to remember about pre-verbal Infant Trauma – http://restoryyourlife.com/preverbal-infant-trauma-preverbal-memory-emotions-sensations-breath-anxiety/ (link)

National Institute of Mental Health (USA) – comprehensive introductory brochure on PTSD – https://infocenter.nimh.nih.gov/nimh/product/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder/QF%2016-6388 (link to brochure)

Ten things People with PTSD-related Dissociation should know – http://healthiest.pw/10-things-people-with-ptsd-related-dissociation-should-know/ (link)

 

Personal accounts

Kyle Elizabeth Freeman – Blogger at “Gutsy Beautiful Complicated”, Childhood Medical Trauma – 36 Years Later – https://gutsybeautifulcomplicated.com/2012/11/03/coming-to-terms-with-trauma-thirty-nine-years-later/kyle.elizabeth.freeman@gmail.com

 

N B – Chamberlain, Dvorsky, Van der Kolk and some others listed here have other material online and/or for sale

 

N B – this List is a work in progress

Who do you think you are?

Recently I watched the 100th program of the popular TV series, Who do you think you are?

ponderAppropriately, it was a review of some of the most notable of the 100 stories to date.  Two utterly poignant segments joined “survivors” ardent about unearthing the fate of their ancestors and family members.  An Anglo-African woman hoped to find some mention of her ancestors who had laboured as African slaves in Antigua.  Another woman’s relatives were among the Jews trapped in Belorussia during the Holocaust: it was known that 2 girls in her family had been killed horrifically, literally by the hands of German soldiers.

I recalled the absolute apprehension and determination of the children of adoptive parents wanting to find their birth parents.

Some of the Who do you think you are? programs I have found to be rather “ho-hum” – interesting but somewhat lacking in power and passion.  But not so the heart-rending search for what exactly had happened in utter blackness long ago and faraway in Antigua and Belorussia.  Sometimes despite deep sadness or horror we just need to discover what we can find out.  We feel a deeply personal and profound bond with imprecise stories about our kith and kin, with the general facts about certain people in other times and places.

My own search has certainly been nothing as emotional as that of the two women with links to Antigua and Belorussia, but it’s been passionate just the same.

People02But it has also reminded me that my early PS, surgery, hospitalization and parenting have affected me more than many other infant PS survivors.  Most seem never to even think about their PS episode, some can’t identify or even care or want to know about “that scar”.  And others recoil at the mention of what their first weeks were like for them and their parents – like the Facebooker who asked me to delete a photo depicting the starvation that some babies suffer before they are properly diagnosed and treated.  We each manage our life stories in our own way.

My parents were people of bygone times who kept from me the details of the infant surgery I had when just 10 days old.  Before I was 6 years old, I became desperate to know what had created what I later learnt was a surgical scar, running down the middle of my young body, and how I should answer the inevitable questions of the curious.

During my growing years I picked up enough from conversations and books to understand the essence and effects of surgical work, and what pyloric stenosis was.  It didn’t take that long to learn how to avoid the inquisitive queries: I avoided most by covering up and lied away the rest.  Meanwhile I learnt what I could do to remove what I believed was a length of white string caught under my skin… the answer was of course: nothing.  Sure signs of inadequate parenting, an insecure child, an introspective nature, and (I discovered later) signs of PTSD and OCD.

A busy working and family life, plus the now understandable reticence of the then available information sources meant that between the ages of 20 and 60 I learnt little more.  But “the need to know” was kept alive by my continuing episodes of feeling embarrassed, obsessed, and self-harming because of my scar and story.

Q mark2The advent of the internet with its free, rich and growing flow of information and its potential for community-building was a major breakthrough and gift for me.  It gave me many details which I had never heard or fully understood, and which I quickly recognized as some of the missing pieces of my puzzle.

Amongst much else I learnt –

  • most of what I now know about infant PS – and that there is an adult form of this condition;
  • how infant surgery was usually done before 1987 (and still is in the case of many circumcisions);
  • that the danger of infection before the 1960s had a major impact on hospital protocols and procedures – with great effects on all concerned;
  • that trauma (another “hush-hush” subject at the time) affected many of the babies and adults of those times;
  • that PS and its surgical repair leave many with life-long problems, for some minor but for others very disruptive;
  • that many medical workers were and remain ill-equipped to understand and fully help those who seek their assistance;
  • that healing occurs in many ways and that we each seek or find our individual path; and
  • that many of my approximate contemporaries who have had early surgery and are willing to network report psychological and related difficulties very similar to mine.
  • that although my parents both died in the early 1990s without ever engaging with me about what were some obvious “issues”, I have discovered that the very little they did tell me and the main import of what I have learnt since are a perfect match!
  • that I am part of a large number of infant surgery survivors who share my passion to connect our past and present: I receive a steady stream or comments from readers who value my sharing, explaining and honesty about what I have learnt.

woman at PCI have enjoyed years of interaction with countless others who had older-times infant surgery and were able and willing to share their stories.  This blog has triggered many of these passing contacts – and a few deep and revealing friendships.  Forum and social networking sites such as Facebook, Experience Project, MedHelp, Patient, and Topix have been valuable also.  Facebook alone has more than a dozen PS Support Groups (although only a few see significant traffic) with over 700 members!

Something deeply personal which I still don’t quite understand but sense I should is a powerful motivator.  Whilst appreciating and respecting those whose problems are much larger than mine, I too remain both passionate and thankful about what I have learnt about “my story” which my parents kept from me.

I am now much better to join the dots between my past and present!

Reflecting on my 70th

Birthdays and anniversaries are times for celebration, and reaching “three-score years and ten” years is certainly worth a big three cheers! But they are important for reflection as well.

150926-25 sml

Renmark Reunion September 2015

Gratitude to God and to the most important people in my life over these 70 years are features I’d like to be emblematic of me.  I am still surrounded with so many loving and kind people, I have enjoyed wonderful peace and excellent health, and my contribution in several circles is still wanted and apparently appreciated.

Ten days ago Helen and I gathered to celebrate my 70th birthday with our 4 children, their spouses and our 11 beautiful grandchildren.  A wonderful 5 days . . .

October 6th is ten days after my birth-day and  marks the 70th anniversary of the life-saving surgery I had in the Netherlands.  I would not be writing this but for that day in my life!

Together with the country of my birth and background, my weary and expecting parents were struggling to emerge from the ordeal of World War 2.  And then I arrived, their long-awaited first child, but soon clearly defective: scary, uncontrollable and life-endangering vomiting (infant pyloric stenosis – “PS”).  And these were times when medical science was pretty rough and ready by today’s standards and when people didn’t dwell on what they’d rather forget.

Pic 12

Mother with me – October 1945

So October 6th marks what I now realise was the gift of a new and wonderful second start in life, but also the beginning of a life-shaping journey of exploration and discovery – outside of me and within.

Outside, my parents were unwilling or unable to answer my reasonable questions about the 10 cm scar on my belly, and this drove me to look for information elsewhere.  But until the advent of the web, this search yielded only cold textbook medical data about PS and the then 33 year old surgical fix for the condition.  And explanations of my deeper issues were nowhere to be found: there were no pointers to where these might be unearthed and no ways of identifying people who could help me to realise (as I do now) that my pain was by no means wacky.

Book coverWithin, I was tormented with private pain from the dawn of my self-consciousness until recent years.  Even now I am still working to piece my private pain-puzzle together, although the web has given me access to much information, clarification and to networking with fellow-survivors, all of which has enabled me to receive and share much healing.  Since 2012 I have blogged about my journey, and in 2014 a pediatric surgeon friend and I published a small book, in which he explained what many still regard as the elusive cause of PS and I outlined my personal experience of this condition. It so happens (in Australia at least) that October 6 falls in “Mental Health Week” – and my own story has certainly helped me to feel a sense of identity with people challenged by mental health issues.

Time changes things!  The past 70 years have taught us the value of openness in the home, the importance of both listening and speaking for healing, of collaboration in achieving goals, and (by no means least) we have learnt much about trauma.

70 years have also brought huge changes to surgical technique and to holistic care in the hospital and home.  Time seems to have done less to change the unhelpful attitudes of some in the medical profession – but that’s due to human nature being far from perfect.

What do these changes (and their lack in some respects) mean?

120327-07-WgHcThe kind of trauma symptoms I struggled with is rare among more recent PS survivors.  Their surgical scars are sometimes almost indiscernible, usually tidy and very rarely as gnarly.  Affected children’s and their parents’ questions are typically answered much more fully and sympathetically, and the children are helped to understand, “own” and even feel pride about their story.

As I see it, I have discerned this is the growth in myself.  I am indeed a survivor from a bygone era of medical practice and parenting, and my scar is an exhibit of mid-20th century surgery.  I know it’s not socially correct for a cultured older gentleman like me to proudly show off his scar as an 8 year old lad might… but I’m catching up on lost joys and enjoying it!

Is there a link between infant PS and later abdominal trouble?

Most General Practitioners (GPs) will reject any link out of hand.  Some GPs have even been known to ask their patient (or client) what “PS” (pyloric stenosis) is.

We can be sure that every medical textbook and training includes at least a page or part of a lecture on PS, which is the most common reason for non-elective surgery on infants in their first months and years.  But who can blame a medical student for not remembering everything they are told and read over six or more packed years?

However, the almost universal denial of a link between PS and later abdominal trouble is more than a nuisance.  It may be “textbook” but it misleads and misinforms the parents of a PS baby and most will continue with this false assurance until they discover the truth – usually only after much frustration.  As for PS survivors, they are the immediate and personal subjects of the widespread ignorance and misinformation about the possible long-term gastric and other problems that can come with PS and/or its surgery.

113This kind of trouble does not seem to afflict the majority of PS survivors, and may only affect a small minority.  But considering PS affects between 2 and 5 in every 1,000 babies, that is still a lot of people!  I have on file hundreds of stories just from those who have told something of their story on Facebook’s several PS Group pages – and elsewhere!  There are several other social forum sites carrying the stories of worried or unhappy PSers.

The pattern is typically like this:

  • The “survivors” endure some years of increasingly nagging (though not mortal) discomfort, pain and frustration with real but unidentified gastric and/or other abdominal symptoms (tightness, pain, bloating, irritable bowels, dietary misbehaviour, vomiting, etc.
  • Their doctors seem loathe to acknowledge these symptoms, giving their patients medication or dietary advice.
  • There is outright rejection of PS possibly having long-term consequences – the high acidity of PS, damage to the gastric passage and even the lungs (from ingested vomit), post-surgical adhesions, and trauma after old-style infant surgery and hospitalization are just some of the hazards which should be considered.  All of these possible conditions have been documented and reported in medical literature.
  • It seems that often the “survivor” discovers the link between their malady and their PS past only when they stumble onto an online forum where they find they are not alone.

Sadly, because PS-related problems are low on the medical world’s radar for several reasons, there is virtually no interest in researching them.  Hence the medical juggernaut rolls on in rejection and ignorance.  However, there have been a few small studies and (from what I have found) just one very large study that have confirmed that infant PS is not always free of long-term consequences.

If the reader is interested to trawl through enough pages of stories on this blog and on the screens of the largest three of Facebook’s PS Groups, they will also find reports that several GI specialists have (usually after many, many consultations) admitted to a connection, agreed on tests, and arrived at better advice treatment.

In 2014 a pediatric surgeon friend and I published a small book, in which he explained what many still regard as the elusive cause of PS and I outlined my personal experience of this condition.

Pain01Lay reading of medical journals and even a basic understanding of how our gut and PS work tell us there certainly can be a link.  More specifically, the high acid that causes PS continues with the patient, raising the risk of related issues including reflux, irritable bowels, esophageal damage, and gastric ulcers and cancer.  Reduced gastric emptying could well be caused by damage to the vagus nerve or adhesions from the operation constricting the working of the stomach and gall bladder, whilst the throat / voice problems are likely caused by erosion / scarring of the esophagus caused by reflux, high acid, or lack of care with the breathing tube during surgery.

Of course anyone with any such symptoms would need a proper diagnosis but it’s not hard for even lay people to understand the links.  With countless numbers from my Facebook networks, I plead with the medical profession, parents, patients and the family and friends of PS survivors to recognise and help spread the awareness of this quite common condition and its possible ramifications.

And if what you the reader has learnt here “rings a bell” … I sincerely hope that you have been greatly encouraged to pursue your problem and get it sorted out.

Infant surgery then and now

Infant surgery has seriously affected some of us whose lives were saved by it.

This is especially true of those like me who are now at the older end of life: we have been affected emotionally and psychologically despite having no conscious memories of the surgery we had so early in our lives.  Our bodies record potent trauma even when our mind cannot.  This does not seem to affect everybody but others’ stories and tell-tale signs are too similar to reject as fiction.

Surgery in the past was rather basic, especially when performed on infants and in the light of current practice. Often in the not-too-distant past no safe general anesthetic and trained pediatric (children’s) anesthetist were available: general anesthetic agents were hazardous for infants in their first two years unless a very careful and experienced anesthetist was available.

Local anesthesia affects the tissue at the operative site, making it hard to work on, so many surgeons would also exclude its use.  So the squirming baby was strapped down, and quite often given a shot of whisky or a sugar cube laced with rum to somewhat distract it.  Or a paralysing drug was injected and a breathing tube inserted.  No picnic for the baby, and it must have been tough on the operating room staff.

The hospital regime then was also “different”.  Two weeks or more in hospital was standard after an “uneventful” pyloric stenosis (“PS”) operation, and often the mother was allowed no contact for fear of infection, which still killed about 50% of PS babies post-op in UK public hospitals after WW2.  I understand my mother had to deliver breast milk daily over 15 km to the hospital for 2 weeks but was never allowed near me, let alone nurse me.  (My surgery was at 10 days so what an introduction to nursing her first baby I was for her…)

Starvation pre-op plus surgical shock plus maternal deprivation – none of it remembered of course, but it has really affected me and others of that generation long term.  Add to that: some years later, these baby-boomer and earlier parents were totally unaware and incapable of managing their own and their growing child’s developing ptsd.

Woodstock-1But hey!  Ever since Dr Conrad Ramstedt and others began publicising their newly discovered “pyloromyotomy procedure”, most of us PS babies no longer died of dehydration and starvation.  Even those who had the PS op in its early days have mostly lived to tell their tales and have often lived well.

But I am also very thankful that despite the many post-op issues reported on Facebook and other form sites, some of the old damage is no longer being inflicted today.  Infant surgery today, even in its most severe forms, is now far less traumatic for all concerned, and most hospital regimes are sensitive and aware.

Understanding ourselves after infant surgery trauma

Some personal experiences are hard to share.

We can relate to many of the personal experiences we hear about: by the time we reach middle age many of us have been through an illness or an accident; we have probably experienced childbirth (if not personally then as a very close and trusted family member or friend); the death of a close relative or friend also happens to everyone sooner or later.  We can identify fairly well with many such life events.

But deep trauma can be more difficult to understand.  If we have never experienced near death or serious abuse in one form or other, we can say, “Yes, I understand…”, but we don’t really to a great extent.  Those of us who have suffered deep trauma usually feel the need to find somebody else who has experienced something similar, or a counsellor who is trained to listen and help us.

In November 2014 I wrote a series of posts on professional doctors, psychiatrists and counsellors who have done ground-breaking work in helping patients and professional helpers to understand infant trauma.  Reading some of the key work of people like Drs K J S Anand and P R Hickey, the late Dr David Chamberlain, the late Dr Louis Tinnin, and others has been an “Ah!” moment of discovery and gratitude to people like me who have been affected by infant surgery (including circumcision) as that was so often practised before the 1990s, without general or even local anesthesia, using other crude, painful and invasive procedures, and with long periods of maternal deprivation.

ponderFor much of my childhood I was obsessed with a very obvious surgical scar in the middle of my belly, the result of 1945 surgery to remedy pyloric stenosis when I was just 10 days old.  From my parents’ ultra-scant comments, I soon came to understand this early episode in my life story was one they’d rather forget.  From the medical reports of the time which I’ve been able to read in recent years, I have learnt that infant surgical technique in 1945would have been basic, and it was followed by at least 2 weeks of isolation in hospital to guard against infection.

When my self-awareness awoke between the age of 5 and 6, I soon became obsessed with my scar, addicted to re-enacting what little I knew about my surgery in childish ways, and then to increasing self-harm.  It is not helpful or necessary to go into details here, but readers who have had similar problems and feel a need to find greater clarity, healing and reassurance should feel free to email me via the links at the end of other “pages” on this blog’s header.

Why I felt these deep and irresistible urges I did not understand for most of my life, but they troubled me.  I believe my parents could have helped me by (1) explaining my surgery and scar, and (2) helping, persuading, tempting and rewarding me to accept and feel proud of my story and scarred body rather than fearfully hiding it from public view.  But I also wonder whether the power of the trauma of my early surgery might have overridden anything anyone tried to do later!

VdKolkBessel 2015Last week our Australian national radio aired an interview with the US Prof. Bessel van der Kolk whose writings have recently been overviewed and quoted by my blogging colleague Wendy P Williams.  A New York Times article about Dr van der Kolk is also well worth reading.  Yet another article about van der Kolk’s work on infant trauma has been made available by those advocating an end to routine circumcision in the USA.

Dr van der Kolk’s website has links to his work, programs and publications, one of which at least is also freely available online and well worth reading.

Prof. Van der Kolk is undoubtedly correct in saying that trauma caused by events in childhood and in later life is causing a hidden epidemic of personal, family and social problems.  Only in recent years have childhood abuse and military service begun to be more widely recognised as often causing deep-seated and lasting damage.  Even now the military establishment often tries to deny or ignore the obvious damage done by PTSD.

Van der Kolk is also correct in his observation that the numbers afflicted by the trauma of childhood and later vastly outnumber those affected by the infant surgery and mass circumcisions of past years.

However, I have never yet heard of a study of the possible long-term effects of circumcision in the light of what van der Kolk and so many others (including the above trailblazers) have documented as the life-long effects of infant trauma.  Such a study may not make pleasant reading but would very quickly and certainly become “a barbeque stopper” and might even be a “game changer”.

Although Dr van der Kolk does not seem to have encompassed old-time early surgery in his work on childhood trauma, I can shout in my loudest voice that from what I have read, what he has written about the effects of childhood hurt is totally true of my journey after infant pyloric stenosis.  Thank you, Dr Bessel van der Kolk and others, for helping me to understand myself and find healing!

An email from Sarah

A hardly-known fact is that many of the people who had surgery in infancy before the 1990s were not given a general anesthetic, and of these not everyone was given pain killers.  This awful fact has understandably been kept out of the public domain as much as possible, which was not very difficult before the advent of the internet and social media, but it is now reported and conceded by many.

frustrated01Giving a general anesthetic to infants in the first two years was too complex and risky for many doctors until the later 20th century, and because locally administered painkillers affect the tissue around the incision, many surgeons chose to have their infant patients simply intubated (given an artificial breathing tube down their throat) and then paralysed. It seems parents were rarely told the details of what infant surgery involved, and probably chose not to ask. After all, the life of their new treasure was at stake. Can we blame them?

Most medical students accepted the mantra that “babies do not feel or remember pain” and so surgical procedures ranging from circumcision to abdominal and chest surgery were often done without pain management – and without much further concern.

Several of my posts have been about the huge change forced on the medical establishment by the research, writing and advocacy of  Drs K J S Anand and P R Hickey since 1987.  (You can find these posts using the “Categories” Search-box at the top right.)  Together with their work, it also became clear that many who had had early surgery without pain control had struggled (usually lifelong) with post-traumatic stress.  The late Dr David Chamberlain, the late Dr Louis Tinnin, Dr Robert Scaer and others have studied, published material on pre-verbal memory and trauma, and developed therapies to treat PTSD arising from infant trauma caused by abuse, surgery, and tragedy.

One of the links most relevant to these matters is to the blogsite Restory your Life, published by my friend and blogging colleague Wendy P Williams.  Her blogging has concentrated on what has been written about PTSD after infant surgery, and on therapies that have been developed and found helpful.

But there is always more to be said and explored on this subject area.

This past month I received an email from Sarah, which I pass on with minimal editing –

blog-writing1Firstly, just wanted to say thanks for your great blog.  I have found a lot of reassurance and inspiration.  My infant trauma was different, but as you know there’s not a lot of info out there, especially written by people who have experienced it, so it’s been so helpful.  Also I’m sorry for what you went through and how it was (not) handled.  It’s great that you’re helping to make things better for babies now, I hope that also gives your young self some comfort.

I found some more stuff and you may already have it, but thought I’d send it just in case you haven’t.

The first is the book The Trauma Spectrum by Robert Scaer.  It has a really great chapter on pre-verbal trauma.  He also points out similar things to you about infant pain management.  It’s ridiculous to think babies wouldn’t feel pain.

The second is an article by Dr Bruce Perry, How we remember.  It’s about infant sexual abuse, but I think the principles are the same.

The third is a PDF written for caregivers of traumatised children and infants.  It’s by Dr Perry too.

Fourth, a book called Transformative Nursing in the NICU: Trauma-Informed Age-Appropriate Care by Mary Coughlin.  Can’t afford it and haven’t read it, but it looks like something all medical professionals helping infants could really use.

People think I’m kind of weird when they find out how much I think and read about trauma, so it’s sort of nice to ‘meet’ another person who has handled theirs in one similar way.

Well, keep up the excellent work, I wish you all the very best.

 In response to my emailed thanks and response, Sarah replied –

Of course you can pass my email on, and put on your website.  It’s the least I can do to thank you for your very much appreciated blog.  Thanks for introducing g me to Wendy’s blog, I really liked the artwork.  It was interesting hearing a little more about how you found healing, I somehow imagine a lot of us are big readers.  The networking is such a good idea, I’m glad you eventually managed to find more people.

I found another book, it’s called Pre-Parenting: Nurturing Your Child from Conception.  The relevant bit is about how even foetuses have consciousness, memory, feelings and other important things.  It has some amazing stories of very young kids accurately telling their birth stories when they learn to talk.  Interesting to think about what he’s written in the context of infant trauma.

Thanks and best wishes to you too.

Shhh02I had infant surgery to relieve a fairly common and fatal stomach blockage (pyloric stenosis) in the dim, distant and tongue-tied past; in 1945 most people didn’t talk about unpleasant matters.  So I know almost nothing about the operation and associated matters and had no help in coming to terms with their consequences.  It has taken me much of my lifetime to piece together the puzzle parts that tell me that whatever happened to me (and my parents) resulted in the clear symptoms of PTSD (albeit mild) with which I have struggled until recent years.

PTSD which results from something that happened in our infancy is lodged in our pre-verbal memory.  This makes it more complex and much harder to recognise, understand and treat than traumatic events which we can consciously remember.

Sarah’s emails and the references she has shared here underline that people struggle with PTSD caused by all kinds of events which they have remembered pre-verbally (in their “somatic” or body memory).

Sarah has also reminded me that all those affected by infant trauma share similar feelings and frustrations, and can draw on the same interpretations and treatment of our symptoms.

And finally, Sarah’s reference links make me feel encouraged that there are always more people than I had known about or imagined working to bring healing to those of us affected by trauma of infancy.