Tag Archives: trauma

Infant Surgery & PTSD – Links to Publications & Websites

Sometimes it is better not to know…

Some of those who owe their life to infant surgery in times past have become aware of the fact that safe and effective pediatric anesthesia and analgesia have only become almost generally used in developed countries in fairly recent years.

The medical mantra that “a baby does not feel, let alone remember pain” was widely believed and acted on in the medical world.  We can be thankful that many medical workers did nevertheless learn to work on infants using the available rudimentary anesthetic drugs and procedures. A powerful code of silence blanketed what was really happening and how widespread infant surgery without anesthesia was practised.

In 20 years of lay research and networking about this issue, I have yet to find a statistical report or journal article on the relevant facts and figures.  Understandably, parents were never told about the darker facts around their child’s operation, and those who dared to asked were most likely fobbed off – and certainly did not dare to share their concerns with their child in later years.

I have networked with an uncomfortable number of people who like me are grateful to be alive because of early surgery but have always been mystified by living with some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

The medical mantras  about infants feeling and remembering pain were publicly challenged and steadily corrected only since 1987. I have written other posts here about this.

Here is a reading list for those who are interested in learning more about this matter.

Again: sometimes it is better not to know . . .

Inadequate pain management

New York Times – Researchers Warn on Anesthesia, Unsure of Risk to Children – http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/26/health/researchers-call-for-more-study-of-anesthesia-risks-to-young-children.html (link)

Jill R Lawson, Standards of Practice and the pain of premature Infants – (pdf file incl additional articles) – http://www.recoveredscience.com/ROP_preemiepain.htm (link to Jill Lawson’s article only)

McGrath Patrick J – Science is not enough, The modern history of pediatric pain – Moderna historia dolor pediatrico.pdf – (file) – http://www.dolor.org.co/articulos/MOderna%20historia%20dolor%20pediatrico.pdf (link)

Pail’s Health Blog Nov 2010 – A Story of Babies in Pain and the Barbaric Malpractices of Medicine – http://www.theherbprof.com/blog/?p=66 (link)

Louis Tinnin, Awake and Paralyzed during Surgery – http://ezinearticles.com/?Awake-And-Paralyzed-During-Surgery&id=182472 (link)

Dvorsky, George, Why are so many Newborns still being denied Pain Relief? – http://gizmodo.com/why-are-so-many-newborns-still-being-denied-pain-relief-1755495866 (link)

 

Infant Memory

Chamberlain David B – CV & publications.pdf – (file)

Website – Birth Psychology – A Bibliography of Dr David B Chamberlain’s writings – https://birthpsychology.com/journals/volume-28-issue-4/chamberlain-bibliography (link)

David B Chamberlain, Babies are Conscious – (file)

David B Chamberlain, Babies Don’t Feel Pain – a Century of Denial in Medicine http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/second/chamberlain.html – (link)

Levine, Peter A, Waking the Tiger – Healing Trauma, North Atlantic Books, 1997 (book title)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Body Keeps the Score – (book & summary article title) http://www.franweiss.com/pdfs/sensorimotor_vanderkolk_1994.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma – http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/436.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, Developmental Trauma Disorder – (book & summary article title) http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Preprint_Dev_Trauma_Disorder.pdf (link)

Van der Kolk, Bessel, The Limits of Talk – http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/networker.pdf (link)

 

PTSD from Infant Trauma

K J S Anand & P R Hickey, Pain and its Effects in the Human Neonate and Fetus – http://www.cirp.org/library/pain/anand/ (link)

The New York Times, 24 Nov 1987, Philip M Boffey, Infants’ Sense of Pain Finally Recognized – http://www.nytimes.com/1987/11/24/science/infants-sense-of-pain-is-recognized-finally.html (link)

The New York Times Magazine, 10 Feb 2008, Annie Murphy Paul, The First Ache, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/magazine/10Fetal-t.html?_r=1&ex=12 (link)

Monell, Terry – When Pediatric Surgery causes Permanent Damage.docx (file)

Dr Louis Tinnin – Infant Surgery without Anesthesia 130707.docx (file) – https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/ and https://ltinnin.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/infant-surgery-without-anesthesia/  (link)

Wendy P Williams – Are Your Symptoms due to Infant Surgical Trauma? – http://restoryyourlife.com/ptsd-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-dr-louis-tinnin-infant-surgery-without-anesthesia-pyloric-stenosis/ (link)

Wendy P Williams – Ten things to remember about pre-verbal Infant Trauma – http://restoryyourlife.com/preverbal-infant-trauma-preverbal-memory-emotions-sensations-breath-anxiety/ (link)

National Institute of Mental Health (USA) – comprehensive introductory brochure on PTSD – https://infocenter.nimh.nih.gov/nimh/product/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder/QF%2016-6388 (link to brochure)

Ten things People with PTSD-related Dissociation should know – http://healthiest.pw/10-things-people-with-ptsd-related-dissociation-should-know/ (link)

 

Personal accounts

Kyle Elizabeth Freeman – Blogger at “Gutsy Beautiful Complicated”, Childhood Medical Trauma – 36 Years Later – https://gutsybeautifulcomplicated.com/2012/11/03/coming-to-terms-with-trauma-thirty-nine-years-later/kyle.elizabeth.freeman@gmail.com

 

N B – Chamberlain, Dvorsky, Van der Kolk and some others listed here have other material online and/or for sale

 

N B – this List is a work in progress

Who do you think you are?

Recently I watched the 100th program of the popular TV series, Who do you think you are?

ponderAppropriately, it was a review of some of the most notable of the 100 stories to date.  Two utterly poignant segments joined “survivors” ardent about unearthing the fate of their ancestors and family members.  An Anglo-African woman hoped to find some mention of her ancestors who had laboured as African slaves in Antigua.  Another woman’s relatives were among the Jews trapped in Belorussia during the Holocaust: it was known that 2 girls in her family had been killed horrifically, literally by the hands of German soldiers.

I recalled the absolute apprehension and determination of the children of adoptive parents wanting to find their birth parents.

Some of the Who do you think you are? programs I have found to be rather “ho-hum” – interesting but somewhat lacking in power and passion.  But not so the heart-rending search for what exactly had happened in utter blackness long ago and faraway in Antigua and Belorussia.  Sometimes despite deep sadness or horror we just need to discover what we can find out.  We feel a deeply personal and profound bond with imprecise stories about our kith and kin, with the general facts about certain people in other times and places.

My own search has certainly been nothing as emotional as that of the two women with links to Antigua and Belorussia, but it’s been passionate just the same.

People02But it has also reminded me that my early PS, surgery, hospitalization and parenting have affected me more than many other infant PS survivors.  Most seem never to even think about their PS episode, some can’t identify or even care or want to know about “that scar”.  And others recoil at the mention of what their first weeks were like for them and their parents – like the Facebooker who asked me to delete a photo depicting the starvation that some babies suffer before they are properly diagnosed and treated.  We each manage our life stories in our own way.

My parents were people of bygone times who kept from me the details of the infant surgery I had when just 10 days old.  Before I was 6 years old, I became desperate to know what had created what I later learnt was a surgical scar, running down the middle of my young body, and how I should answer the inevitable questions of the curious.

During my growing years I picked up enough from conversations and books to understand the essence and effects of surgical work, and what pyloric stenosis was.  It didn’t take that long to learn how to avoid the inquisitive queries: I avoided most by covering up and lied away the rest.  Meanwhile I learnt what I could do to remove what I believed was a length of white string caught under my skin… the answer was of course: nothing.  Sure signs of inadequate parenting, an insecure child, an introspective nature, and (I discovered later) signs of PTSD and OCD.

A busy working and family life, plus the now understandable reticence of the then available information sources meant that between the ages of 20 and 60 I learnt little more.  But “the need to know” was kept alive by my continuing episodes of feeling embarrassed, obsessed, and self-harming because of my scar and story.

Q mark2The advent of the internet with its free, rich and growing flow of information and its potential for community-building was a major breakthrough and gift for me.  It gave me many details which I had never heard or fully understood, and which I quickly recognized as some of the missing pieces of my puzzle.

Amongst much else I learnt –

  • most of what I now know about infant PS – and that there is an adult form of this condition;
  • how infant surgery was usually done before 1987 (and still is in the case of many circumcisions);
  • that the danger of infection before the 1960s had a major impact on hospital protocols and procedures – with great effects on all concerned;
  • that trauma (another “hush-hush” subject at the time) affected many of the babies and adults of those times;
  • that PS and its surgical repair leave many with life-long problems, for some minor but for others very disruptive;
  • that many medical workers were and remain ill-equipped to understand and fully help those who seek their assistance;
  • that healing occurs in many ways and that we each seek or find our individual path; and
  • that many of my approximate contemporaries who have had early surgery and are willing to network report psychological and related difficulties very similar to mine.
  • that although my parents both died in the early 1990s without ever engaging with me about what were some obvious “issues”, I have discovered that the very little they did tell me and the main import of what I have learnt since are a perfect match!
  • that I am part of a large number of infant surgery survivors who share my passion to connect our past and present: I receive a steady stream or comments from readers who value my sharing, explaining and honesty about what I have learnt.

woman at PCI have enjoyed years of interaction with countless others who had older-times infant surgery and were able and willing to share their stories.  This blog has triggered many of these passing contacts – and a few deep and revealing friendships.  Forum and social networking sites such as Facebook, Experience Project, MedHelp, Patient, and Topix have been valuable also.  Facebook alone has more than a dozen PS Support Groups (although only a few see significant traffic) with over 700 members!

Something deeply personal which I still don’t quite understand but sense I should is a powerful motivator.  Whilst appreciating and respecting those whose problems are much larger than mine, I too remain both passionate and thankful about what I have learnt about “my story” which my parents kept from me.

I am now much better to join the dots between my past and present!

Pyloric stenosis: treasure and then trauma

How could the birth of a new life, the time of life’s greatest possible personal triumph, also come to be remembered as the greatest trauma that the same person has ever endured?

baby worriesThe birth and unexpected death of a child must surely be the most poignant possible example of that.

A close second must be the birth of a child who is damaged or imperfect in some other way. But it is surely beyond belief that the tragedy of finding that this brand new gift is damaged is sometimes made unimaginably deeper when the people we look to for advice and help are unsympathetic and dismissive of our concern and pain.

Surviving infant surgery (the theme of this blog) sometimes means for new parents, “surviving the hard and closed minds of the medical world”.

There are several Facebook Groups that offer support to those affected by infant surgery, especially infant pyloric stenosis.  PS is the condition responsible for the highest number of life-saving surgeries (operations) on babies. The great majority of “threads” (complaints, discussions and advice) on these Facebook sites relate to the unnecessarily long weeks before diagnosis, and to being treated very poorly by doctors.

Several mothers have posted about their unexpected and deeply frustrating experiences on their blog.  Jenn Cahill is a British mother whose traumatic experience in getting recognition and treatment for her son’s PS helped her to start blogging about this and other challenges of pregnancy and new motherhood.

girl-w-laptop01In a recent post, Pyloric stenosis, Jenn put on record her mother’s battle to have her (Jenn’s) PS taken seriously back in 1993, only to happen again a generation later!  Jenn post chronicles the almost unbelievable story of her 2-3 week struggle in 2015 with dismissive medical staff before her son’s PS was taken seriously; by then his vital signs had deteriorated to the extent that it took several days to resuscitate him enough to withstand a relatively simple surgical procedure.

At the same time as she posted her story (early February 2016), Jenn participated in a spirited discussion of this issue on Facebook’s Pyloric Stenosis Support Group.  (Note: this is one of several “closed Groups” dealing with issues around PS, “closed” meaning that Facebook subscribers can find each Group but not read and add their own material unless they join that Group.)

Here is the opening story to a P S Support Group thread – from a US mother, posted on 29 January 2016 –

Hello all, my son and I were struggling with feeding issues/lack of supply, so I had him checked for tongue tie.  As it turned out, he did have posterior tongue tie, and he had his frenulum snipped at 2 weeks.  His first feeding afterward, he threw up a large volume within minutes of each other.  I called our ped in a panic and was told he overfed as he was finally able to suck effectively.
This began 7 weeks of misdiagnosis hell.  He continued to throw up 1-5 times a day.  Our ped diagnosed him with reflux.  We tried different formulas, and he was put on prevacid.  His vomiting wasn’t projectile, but forceful and huge in volume.  The worst was when he was on enfamil AR – the formula was so thick that it was extremely difficult and painful when he vomited.  I was so scared watching him during these episodes.  We were at the ped nearly every day, getting nowhere.
Vomiting continued, and he was barely gaining weight.  We went to a GI specialist at 4.5 weeks.  At our first appointment, I asked if he could have PS and if we should do an ultrasound.  My concerns were brushed off.  The specialist diagnosed him with a milk protein allergy in addition to reflux – told me this was all normal baby stuff.  My son’s health continued to decline.  For an entire MONTH, we saw this doctor.  I asked at every appointment if he had PS, shouldn’t we do an ultrasound.  I was refused every time.  Finally, at our last appointment I demanded one, which confirmed my son DID IN FACT have a severe case of PS.  She fought his diagnosis all day, ordering the barium swallow test and ANOTHER ultrasound.  Both of which confirmed PS.  He had surgery the next day, after being hooked up to iv’s for 24 hours as he was extremely dehydrated.
He is now 7 months, thriving, healthy, so happy and sweet.  Yet, I can’t get over what we went through.  I can’t forget the pain and stress of it all… can’t stop punishing myself with the what ifs.  I thought I was progressing, but today I had to write a letter of hardship as we’re applying for financial assistance with his many overwhelming medical bills.  I had a total meltdown reliving that time.
Sorry for the long post.  Just looking for support from PS parents.  He is my first baby.

In a later frustrated response –

Made me question my instincts over and over.  Made me feel like an utter failure as a mother.  All the while my son’s health deteriorated with no end in sight.  I’m so glad I finally demanded that ultrasound that day… I can’t imagine how much longer he would have suffered or what would have happened to him.

Another new mother added –

Funny you should post this as I’m up at 3 am reliving our 9 weeks of hell with exactly the same story as yours.  The guilt and anger consume me at these times of night so I decided tonight that I am over the weekend going to make a formal complaint to the hospital as I want to ensure an investigation takes place so it doesn’t happen to someone else as new parents with a very ill newborn.
All I think we can do is console ourselves that we trusted our instincts eventually and we put our trust in the professionals which we should, but unfortunately their duty of care was sub-standard.
I’m glad your little one is now thriving, my little boy is also 7 months and doing really well but it has traumatised me and although it’s faded and I’m sure will more with time, I think these experiences will last with us for a long time.

And another mother wrote –

Thank you for reaching out to me – I’m sorry you also went through this.  It’s so awful.  I swear, I have PTSD.  I suffered major anxiety/panic attacks the first month or so afterward.  I felt okay for a bit, like I’d processed things and then out of nowhere, I’ll have a bad day like today.  It’s also hard not to worry that every little thing is a result of the many weeks of unnecessary vomiting or fear for future health issues.  I filed a complaint against the doctors with the Medical Board… who knows if they will be reprimanded, but at least I tried.  And, wrote scathing yelp and google reviews.  It’s sickening how negligent medical care can be.
Can we keep in touch if we ever need to talk or are having a rough day?  I don’t feel like any family or friends can truly grasp how I feel or what we went through.  The worst is the “just be thankful he’s healthy and thriving now.”  As if I’m not or I don’t know that…

And she added –

Ugh, don’t get me started on insurance.  I feel I’ve wasted half my son’s life on the phone dealing with them.  Pretty much every single nap until the last couple weeks.

And another mother’s story in brief –

My story is exactly the same as yours except I was told reflux by 8 different doctors.  And just treated like an “over anxious new mum”, told to go get some rest!  Had to film my baby having a seizure which he would have every night from the pain and the choking before I could get just one doctor to listen!  I’m still so angry.

There were many more contributions than those included here.  I end this selection with another of Jenn Cahill’s responses –

Had exactly the same story as you with the main difference being I had PS as a newborn!!!  And they still refused to diagnose him despite it being a much stronger risk if your mother has previously had it.  Absolutely ridiculous.
I struggle to have faith in Doctors now as I think they’re trying to just brush me off as a silly mother as they did when he was tiny.
He’s 6 months now and yet I still panic if he throws up a large amount.  And I’m terrified for the future as we are planning a second and I’m so scared we are going to go through it all again.

It needs to be added here that –

  • Scared_Doctordoctors are known to be busy and work long hours, usually covering a wide range of health issues: hardly a situation conducive to a sensitive listening ear;
  • many infant conditions are no doubt recognised quickly and dealt with well;
  • several of the symptoms of PS are not unique to this condition, nor does PS always present the same way:  correct diagnosis is of course essential and often takes some time; and
  • despite doctors being as imperfect as ourselves, the death rate from infant PS has fallen from the majority a century ago to very low today (less than 1%).

Nevertheless, the medical world has some well-recognised problems, including some practitioners having a serious attitude problem and the number and nature of complaints about the way people are dealt with at what should be one of the most beautifully memorable times of their lives.

Why are there so many kinds of scars from PS surgery?

As a boy growing up with a scar cluster front and centre on my belly, I found I had several fixations which have never really left me.

  1. I was desperate to know what caused this scar, left by pyloric stenosis (“PS”) surgery I had when just 10 days old.  Apart from my mother telling me several times that I had been “a little bit sick as a baby and a doctor had made me better” it wasn’t until much later in life that I pieced that puzzle together.
  2. I was also desperate to hide my belly from public view.  I shrank from people’s inquisitive stares and inevitable questions and felt deeply embarrassed because I couldn’t handle, let alone answer them.
  3. Whenever I saw people in beach or gym attire (and with a bare midriff) I was ravenous in my search for anyone with a scar similar to mine – but never found anybody like me in that way until in my adult life.

People02Only in recent years have I learnt that this somewhat bizarre cluster of phobias and fixations is by no means unusual for survivors of infant surgery.  As mentioned in a recent post, there are also many extroverts who totally escaped my problems – and often find them rather silly.

Obsession #3 has continued with me (and it seems with others in their more mature years).  In recent years I have seen quite a number of people with what look like being scars from PS operations, and this is largely because I have learnt that this “procedure” is done using a number of surgical techniques.  So my mind is now programmed to search for and recognize half a dozen scars!  Yes, weird and whacky!

The development of the internet has birthed several forum sites where people like me can network and break out of their feelings of isolation and self-flaggelation.  The web even allows us now to compare scars and to have many of our questions answered much more fully than my 1940s parents would ever have been able!

Recently Facebookers with an interest in their own or their child’s PS mentioned the sheer variety of scars from repairing PS, a fairly common condition remedied with a relatively simple technique.  My own research of this whole subject area enabled me to attempt an answer –

The pyloric ring muscle usually sits under and behind the right (and exit) end of the stomach, so below the right ribcage.  It can be fairly easily accessed from anywhere below the ribs and above the navel.

The navel (or umbilicus) itself is (or was once) often avoided as a point of access, especially if it hasn’t fully healed after the baby’s birth and as its folds are a haunt for germs.  The umbilical incision (“Tan Bianchi” after the surgeons who promoted it) is a semi-circle incision usually over the top of the navel, sometimes extended by one or both horizontals (making it an omega sign): through this the pylorus is worked on. The Tan Bianchi incision is now often used as it allows open access but (if done well) leaves a minimal scar.

The keyhole op (“minimal access surgery” or MAS) was introduced in the 1990s: a 5mm probe (tube or “port”) through or near the navel inflates the belly and adds light, and then two other probes (3mm) higher up allow instruments to enter and do the work on the pylorus. In recent years “single port MAS” has been introduced by which everything is done through the one port at the navel.  Special care with infection control is very important, and this technique comes with a higher number of infections, but it also leaves minimal scars and is therefore preferred by parents.  MAS requires a higher level of training and skill than open surgery, but experienced surgeons can use it with similar results and complication profiles.

The open incision was and is still the easy one for surgeons, but growing numbers of younger pediatric surgeons have now learnt the umbilical and/or MAS techniques.

Abdomen incisions1Open surgery involves cutting through layers of skin, fat, muscle, and the fine material that holds our abdominal bits and pieces in place, plus of course nerves and blood vessels.  There are several layers of muscle forming the wall of the abdomen, each running in different directions to enable them to do a variety of tasks and to add toughness.  Down the front and middle of the abdomen, running from the breastbone to the pubic region, is a strip of tough connective tissue called the “linea alba” or “white line”: it has less blood vessels and nerves and anchors the various muscle sheaths.

Conrad Ramstedt, who in 1912 pioneered and promoted the technique that is used to treat infant PS, used the median (or middle) incision down the linea alba that was and is still used for much (and especially major) abdominal surgery.  It gives good access, can be easily extended, and avoids the complex muscle layers on either side.

Other surgeons preferred to avoid this area for relatively short incisions, as the linea alba’s poor blood supply slowed healing and therefore increased the risk of wound rupture.  These doctors moved their vertical incision to the right, the “para-median” incision.

In the 1930s, two other incisions became popular for PS surgery.  Both avoided the vertical openings which it was claimed came with increased exposure of internal organs, and more wound complications.  By cutting through the several layers of muscle and repairing each separately, it was claimed that the wound was easier to control.  One of these incisions was angled just under the right ribcage, the Kocher or “gridiron” incision.  The other was transverse (“across”) and became the most popular one used for PS surgery to date.  Transverse incisions are placed wherever the surgeon likes or locates the pylorus: some are almost at navel level, other horizontal just under the ribcage, and most in between.

Reading the journal articles that advocate the writers’ incision preference has led me to conclude that a surgeon’s choice seems to depend more on their classroom or craft training than on truly decisive benefits or hazards.

The development of the umbilical and MAS techniques has occurred only since 1990, urged on by the cosmetic benefits which are usually and typically urged on conservative and technique-oriented doctors by the concerned parents of unknowing babies.

Postscript

Since writing this post I came across a website under the title of Common Abdominal Incisions.  It sets out in (what I find) fascinating detail and in generally understandable English the various considerations, benefits and hazards regarding the incisions used for many of the commonly used abdominal surgeries, and what each incision involves.  In the past I have sometimes found it necessary to “translate” the information given on a medical website, but in this case that seemed quite unnecessary.

Coming out – about our scars after infant surgery

Many of us feel most comfortable conforming, not drawing attention to ourselves.  Many others pride themselves in being different, “standing out from the pack”.  I envy them!

I very much belong to the first lot: I totally hated my 9 cm (3½”) scar from a pyloric stenosis operation back in 1945 when I was just 10 days old.  My scar shame was quite apart from the symptoms of post-traumatic stress which (as far as I can discover) resulted from the story of my first illness.

This deeply felt sensitivity about my scar was probably not unconnected with the psychological effects on me of the surgery, but it mushroomed when I became conscious of wearing a scar that is “front and centre” and very obvious in the bath and at the beach.  Asking my parents about it clearly unsettled them, further intensifying my own discomfort.

The internet has shown me that my obsessive sense of shame is far from universal among those who have needed infant surgery, and that many flaunt their scar with pride and think up fantastic stories about having been stabbed, or attacked by a shark.

But I have also been greatly comforted to learn that many have felt as I did:  my emotions and inner pain are hardly freakish or unique.

yay1One of the things that has helped me to find peace with myself is the number of people who have used the web to share their own struggle towards the self-acceptance of their disability or disfigurement.  Often their life was much more difficult and their blemish more severe than mine

I have also joined the many who have also gone online to “objectify” their scar: to post a photo of it or of them wearing it in public, empowering us to break through what is very much a self-imposed complex and to see ourselves as others do.

Again and again the posts and comments on social networking sites like Facebook express gratitude at the opportunity to network and share something that in the past was all too often a lonely and endless ache.

For those interested, here are some links to blogs that others and I have found liberating –

Angella Dykstra – Scarred for life

David Fetterman’s story about Father and son

Maggie Van Buskirk’s story

Nathan Long – Forced to fast for peace

Enjoy!  Grow!  Share!

Aware parenting after infant surgery

At the age of just 3 years, children learn to use the word “Why?”

We humans are incurably curious, we want to understand what we see and hear.

Read this recent social media post by the mother of a pyloric stenosis child –

mum-dtr talk1My son was almost 9 weeks when he had his surgery.  It took them a long time to diagnose him; he will be 6 years old in a few weeks and his scar is about 3″ long.  He’s grown over the summer and has complained a lot about his tummy hurting.  That was part of the reason I joined the group so I could find out if other PS children experienced the same thing.  He also had a hernia repaired when he was 14 months old.  The scar bothers him when he gets asked what happened, but I tell him you were really sick and needed an operation to make you better.  Mommy loves your scar.  Then he smiles and laughs and forgets about the questions.

I wonder, what is your response to this post?  “What a lovely Mommy”?  “How nice”?

This was my response to this mother –

That interaction between you and your son reminds me so much of when I was his age!

My mother and I would have times like that, and my mum would use those exact same words.  But I never could never smile and forget to ask any more questions.  And when I asked more questions, the response was always, “We’ll talk about that sometime later” – but we never did.

150414-085And so from age 5 I increasingly felt embarrassed about the scar running down the middle of my belly, and whenever I asked the questions I had I felt fobbed off by pleasantries.  This deepened a then already real phobia that would trouble me for many years.

Today we know so much more and so I’m sure you’ll be sensitive to your son’s deeper personal feelings and be able to help him.  I still wish now that my mum (long passed on) had taken the initiative several times over my growing years –
1) showing she recognised my struggle instead of telling me off for showing any sign of it,
2) telling me about her part in and feelings about my first op in detail,
3) answering any questions I still had, and
4) discussing with me how I could work on my phobia.

Your son may grow up being very different from me, of course, but believe me, I’m far from alone in what I’ve just posted here!

Infant surgery then and now

Infant surgery has seriously affected some of us whose lives were saved by it.

This is especially true of those like me who are now at the older end of life: we have been affected emotionally and psychologically despite having no conscious memories of the surgery we had so early in our lives.  Our bodies record potent trauma even when our mind cannot.  This does not seem to affect everybody but others’ stories and tell-tale signs are too similar to reject as fiction.

Surgery in the past was rather basic, especially when performed on infants and in the light of current practice. Often in the not-too-distant past no safe general anesthetic and trained pediatric (children’s) anesthetist were available: general anesthetic agents were hazardous for infants in their first two years unless a very careful and experienced anesthetist was available.

Local anesthesia affects the tissue at the operative site, making it hard to work on, so many surgeons would also exclude its use.  So the squirming baby was strapped down, and quite often given a shot of whisky or a sugar cube laced with rum to somewhat distract it.  Or a paralysing drug was injected and a breathing tube inserted.  No picnic for the baby, and it must have been tough on the operating room staff.

The hospital regime then was also “different”.  Two weeks or more in hospital was standard after an “uneventful” pyloric stenosis (“PS”) operation, and often the mother was allowed no contact for fear of infection, which still killed about 50% of PS babies post-op in UK public hospitals after WW2.  I understand my mother had to deliver breast milk daily over 15 km to the hospital for 2 weeks but was never allowed near me, let alone nurse me.  (My surgery was at 10 days so what an introduction to nursing her first baby I was for her…)

Starvation pre-op plus surgical shock plus maternal deprivation – none of it remembered of course, but it has really affected me and others of that generation long term.  Add to that: some years later, these baby-boomer and earlier parents were totally unaware and incapable of managing their own and their growing child’s developing ptsd.

Woodstock-1But hey!  Ever since Dr Conrad Ramstedt and others began publicising their newly discovered “pyloromyotomy procedure”, most of us PS babies no longer died of dehydration and starvation.  Even those who had the PS op in its early days have mostly lived to tell their tales and have often lived well.

But I am also very thankful that despite the many post-op issues reported on Facebook and other form sites, some of the old damage is no longer being inflicted today.  Infant surgery today, even in its most severe forms, is now far less traumatic for all concerned, and most hospital regimes are sensitive and aware.